Starfy: A Galatic Adventure
by George Lucas Official
Summary: Starfy is jus an ordinary High School Jedi, until he wakes up from a dream and is actually a long hated teacher in disguise!


**StarFucker**

 _A galactic adventure by Chewie Grumplebuck_

Twin lightsabers seamlessly beat down wave after wave of training droids. A roar from the force blasted away any resistance. He was unstoppable. Well, at least until his constipation kicked in.

Meet Starkiller, better known to some of his friends as StarFucker. For the sake of the story, we're calling Starfy. Starfy was not your typical high school force wielding warrior. Starfy suffered from extreme constipation problems, originating from within the womb of Malla from Kashyyyk. He could never move to save his life.

"FfffffuUUUU CCCCKKKKKK!" shrieked Starfy as he lost control, letting loose extreme mounds of midichlorian ridden dung in the hallway. A black, singed hole in the ass of his pants showed off his embarrassment to his master, Darth Vader.

"And what the hell is this?" demanded the dark lord, brushing lint from his dirty dirty shoulders.

"Master...I'm, I lost control!" gasped Starfy, clawing at his master's feet. "This always happens and…"

"And, what, Starfy?" asked Vader kindly. Tears began to well in Starfy's eyes, and his whole body shook.

"And the kids at school BULLY me because of it!" Starfy finishing this exclamation with a great sob, his face falling down into a pile of his own shit.

"Oh, um, Starfy listen...your mother and I, we boned." Vader added with a nasty grin, pissing on Starfy's corpse. Starfy was alone.

 **Chapter 2: Shocked!**

Flying down, down, down. Down through the bowels of the deepest of pancreas.

Starfy didn't know what it meant to be human yet. He was still a small retarded lad.

"OHHHH." Screamed Starfy.

 **Chapter 3: Slimed!**

Starfy regained composure of his regal demeanor and set about the tall building. He read the sign out front. _Murray's Investigations…_

Looking down, Starfy saw other footprints in the dirty mud before him. Someone had visited Murray, and recently. Better than a stick up his ass, Starfy stepped inside the old building, calling about for the Billster.

"Bill!" fucking shrieked Starfy. Rather than an answer, Starfy felt a warm presence through the force, and turned to look upon Billy, who was a fountain of light, a window in which it was leading to vibrant green meadows under a pale blue sky.

"Well hello there," regarded Billy, a small grin flitting onto his wrinkled and weathered face. The face that had been Starfy's childhood hero ever since he hit puberty.

"I need help Billy!" said Starfy frantically. "My master doesn't let me eat!"

Billy looked at him with an honest and intense expression. "Then let them eat dick!"

In a twirl of his petit figure, Billy strung about his garments on the floor and let Starfy regard the tight black lingerie complimenting his melting body features.

"Well come on then, I'm not hunting ghosts anymore!" invited Billy.

Billy spread open his legs and Starfy entered almost immediately. Not with his schling schlong, however. Instead, Billy felt the quite literal force of a veiny, muscular Starfy Supreme arm take a road trip right up his digestive tract. And to make matters even more interesting, Starfy revealed his small toesies inching their way to Billy's drooling mouth.

"You wouldn't," Billy gasped vehemently, anticipating Starfy's next move. Starfy pushed in an extreme effort, and, with the help from the force, used his toes to knock loose all two of Billy's remaining teeth. The small chewing bones fell down right into Starfy's begging mouth, where he swallowed in a single gulp.

"TAKEOFF!" announced Billy. Gases upon gases left Billy's ass in a massive torrent of power and, slowly but surely, the two entwined peas in a pod left the ground of Billy's house, floating upward to the ceiling.

"Marshmallow Man!" alerted Billy of his imminent climax. Doubled with the power of Billy's fart, his sperm hitting the ground projected the lovers right through the roof with the trajectory speed of the US rocket. Looking around, Starfy saw the world as he never saw it before. He loved Billy with all his heart.

"I love you, Billy, with all my heart!" proclaimed Starfy. Billy did not respond, instead looking down at the front step to regard a newcomer approaching the estate. He looked like a pretty generic everyday guy, thought Starfy in hindsight.

Billy looked down at Starfy with subtle sympathy etched in the deep lines of his face. "Sorry kid. I've got company." A terrible feeling erupted in the bowels of Starfy's cum-ridden innards, and he began to weep gently.

"Billy...I thought you loved…"

"You thought wrong." spoke Billy with a grim expression. Starfy felt Billy's grip loosening on his shirt, and began to tumble.

"BILLYYYY!" Screamed Starfy, falling down...down...down…

 **Chapter 4: Magical Enlightenment**

"Harry! Wake up! NOW!" Harry registered the voice of his dreaded Aunt Petunia, rapping on his door. The door led to the cupboard under the stairs, which was where he slept.

"I'm up…" Harry slowly pulled himself off his bed, trying to remember his dream….a ghost hunter! That was definitely in it. Harry had been an adventurer of some sorts, just looking for his place in the world. He wished the dream didn't end. His life ate ass.

Harry hurried downstairs where he ran into the pure bulk and weight of his retarded half cousin Dudley.

"Watch where you're going you small slut," surmised the regal Dudley, fluffling his feathered high top hat with the air of being majestic.

"Blimey Dudley I'm sorry." quickly exclaimed Harry quietly, not wanting to have any more ribs broken by the sheer force of Dudley's man tits.

"Yeah that's right." stalked away Dudley, his feet ferociously shaking the small hovel in which they lived.

Today wasn't the first day Harry considered tying the noose and just ending this shit. Every day was the same: He got up, his aunt and uncle berate him for the morning, Dudley, Vernon and Petunia had their mid afternoon orgy, and all the while Harry was being forced to live like a caged dog, serving them with his head bowed down to the floor. He wouldn't have it anymore. Harry just needed to FUCK! And his inspiration came to him in a brilliant stroke of enlightenment.

Quickly stealing his way downstairs, Harry used his magic wand granted to him by Albus Dumblewhore to open the forbidden basement where the other three family members always went to fuck. He jumped down three stairs at a time, landing crouched like a cat at the base of them. Looking around, he saw chains, whips, spikes, serrated edge swords, knives, arrows, dildos of every colour and flavour, roast potatoes, mashed potatoes, beans, gravy, chipolatas, fried chicken, white turkey, peas, cranberry sauce, salmon sushi, Freddie Mercury's ashes, a novel that was called Jealousy or something, and a golden star on top of a menorah! Well. Wasn't this interesting. Harry lay confused now, never attempting a transformation spell before. But he knew he had to try.

Stripping himself of what little garments he had on, Harry raised his wand and brought it swishing down in a stream of black and white sparks, muttering as he did so.

"Little choco on a pan,

I need to turn into a man,

Whose values don't make any sense,

And someone who had dost came whence,

From Jewish teachings I say slay me,

In these final words I say JAMIE!"

A gong revert rebated deep within Harry's bones, but looking down, he saw that he was no longer Harry. He was wearing stylish purple coloured pants...a curious belt buckle...a polo shirt...and tattoos lining his arms left right and center. Jamie opened his mouth tentatively, and let out a mirthless chuckle, which echoed around the flame lit stone chamber, so it was as though ten Jamie's were cackling all at once.

"This is something else," concluded Jamie.

 **Chapter 5: Fagwarts**

"It's time for me to go to Hogwarts Uncle Vernon!"

"No the fuck you won't you little shit,"

"But uncle I really want to,"

"No,"

"I hate you I wish I'd never been born here,"

"You weren't even born here cuntflap you were born in London or some bullshit now leave me alone,"

"But UUUNNNCCCCLLLEEEEE!"

"GET OVER HERE!"

Uncle Vernon scruff grabbed Jamie-Harry by the neck. He pressed his wet mouth onto his throat area and tugged.

"Hickeys for DAAAYYYSSS!" proclaimed Vernon to the world. HJ continued for this to happen for some time before realising his sexual education paper on the effects of Gonorrhea on a newborn african baby was due right away.

"Sorry uncle got to go!" HJ tore from the room at lightning bolt speed, angling for his bedroom door which was curiously left wide open. He sped inside and sat on his bed. The trouble was, there was already someone sitting in it.

"Well, Harry, I uh told you that you could come with me if you so wish. Hehehe."

HJ stared in amazement on the creature before him. His hair was more white and pure than any flake of untouched snow he had seen in his life. His shirt was slumped forward in a strained sort of way, a heavy gut clearly etching for freedom beneath it. And a wibbly wobbly, oh so slimy chin left HJ gasping for breath.

Hastily wiping tears of wonder from his eyes, HJ finally spoke,"Sir, I am...I am honoured that you would consider me for such a task sir."

"Well, you see uh, my boy, the process is not what it seems. I need you, uh, as a sort of spy. But first, uh, you'll need to live a pretty shit average life," said Lucas briskly, cutting right to the chase.

"Anything, Lucas, anything I can do to appease you I shall!" regarded HJ in a twirl of excitement.

"Perfect, uh, perfect. Now, the first thing you'll need is a new name and, uh, a memory wipe. So, uh, to business!" Lucas belched suddenly and fiercely, the vibrational purple energy clearing Jamie's mind blank and bliss.

"Forrreeevvver." concluded Jamie. He marched erectly and directly to the still open door. "Now I must go see my beloved family!"

And just like that...he's gone.


End file.
